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Effort.

I fucked up,
I know that, and i keep trying to compensate for what i did..
But no matterr the effort and time that is being put in to trying to make things right you just refuse. Rejection at its finest.. time after time theirs a thought in my head that tell me this is the last time im trying, because clearly you just dont want things to go back to how they were…

Which i understand… the way things were, was no way to live which is why i pushed away.. not thinking i would later regret my decision.. knowing that with that decision i would lose a friend.
With that i say i am a fool thinking i couls come out on top like a foolish criminal thinking he couls robb a bank with a toy gun.
With that i can only say im foolish and starting to become pathetic as to how desprite i am to recalm you as one of my own.
So in the end ill keep telling myself, stop dont try.. because you’re only going to get yourself hirt you foolish woman.

thoughts

this is the time to get it off my chest;

what i have been feeling.. but thoughs feelings have not come to words yet, which makes me wounder what am i feeling and why is it i cannot put it into words?

confusion? lust? love?

its unbelieveable the thoughts that go threw my head in one sitting…

to see what ive seen to know what i know.. is remarkable on how i am even functioning in this point of my life.

i want to say im still in the same place of mind i was a year ago.. but i think im not so much there anymore. no matter how much i wish i could understand why im not in that place of mind the answers just never come

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